YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAIN…
Your pain is only a part of you.
There are many parts of who you are. With just this simple awareness you may be able to see how being a multilayered person creates different results depending on the moment. For example: You receive an invitation to go out with some friends for dinner on Friday night. A part of you may want to go out and be social, but another part of you would rather stay in and watch a movie by yourself. Those two parts [of you] have differing opinions, feelings, wants, and needs. Where it gets difficult is when only one part seems to consistently win.
What if you’re just stuck in this one part of yourself?
BEING STUCK SUCKS
For some reason this part which also includes pain and dissatisfaction just keeps coming front and center. It takes over all the other parts of yourself and that’s the problem. What if you can look at how different parts of your self are present but you become disempowered by this one part that always prevails? Then what would you do with that particular part?
You can’t always ignore what is always there.
YOU ARE YOUR PARTS
We get lost in “I” statements. “I” am the one causing my life to fall apart…. “I” am unable to connect with people…. It’s always “me” that gets hurt. This is just one part of you speaking, always trying to make sense of what may be confusing or hard to feel.
Each part is there for a positive reason.
YOU ARE NOT A PROBLEM
It feels like you are, doesn’t it? Often you want to “abolish” or “exile” this part of yourself to never come back again. You don’t want to feel the pain. You may even believe you have a defect. I disagree, this part of you functioning extremely well to make sure that you can survive when you don’t know what else to do!
Each part of us has a good reason for being there.
THE BAD PARTS PROTECT
However and whenever they need to. It may not be pretty. It’s painful and a horrible experience. They are doing their job to protect you from something that your authentic self can not tolerate. That’s right, you, yourself, and that sense of self you so much wish was present all the time – is not made up of only your parts. [More about your authentic self in a coming blog post.]
THEY HAVE GOOD REASON TO BE THERE
Each part of us has a good reason for being there. They convince, they muffle, the numb, they avoid, they diminish… there’s so many purposes to the different parts of ourselves. But here’s where it gets interesting If you have many parts you don’t always have to be depressed, anxious, sad, or struggling! The challenge is in recognizing and inviting them back into your life. This takes skill, awareness, and allowance – three things we don’t want to do.
ITS EASIER THAN YOU THINK
The first hurdle is recognizing that you don’t want to admit that there are many different levels and parts to who you are. That would mean you have to get up and do something about it, right? The ones who do something are finding a whole new perspective on their lives! People are finding that they aren’t only depressed, anxious, or struggling. They have sides of themselves that are being overlooked and undervalued. We all are multi-layered complex people who often become fixated on feelings that paralyze and frustrate our sense of self.
This is being human.
You’re not a bad person, you are not stupid, you are not worthless. What’s incredible is there’s only a small part of you that likes to collect all the attention and convince you otherwise. It may feel like it needs to be extinguished, but be careful. This small part of you that likes to be as big as possible only gets worse the more you try to squash it.
I’m not afraid, as a therapist to cross the line and put myself out there by saying, “That part of you that is depressed is there because it cares about your sense of self.” Are you willing to turn typical old-school therapy upside down and see how you can begin to work with your parts?